My Fantasy Shopping Guide

A reader asked me to do a shopping guide for cyclists. After looking around a bit I realized the things that I would recommend for bike Christmas don’t actually exist. So I decided I should create my own wish-list of fantasy cycling products. And who knows, maybe someday they’ll be on the market.

First of all, I’ll start with some items for the budget-challenged. These would also make great stocking stuffers.

My Fantasy Shopping Guide

The next gift is for all you cyclists that would like a little more space on your commute. Have  you ever felt a little squeezed off the road? Would you like cars to keep a safe distance? Do you find that drivers freak out at the mere sight of a bicycle on the road, panic, and then drive into things? This next gift is for you:

My Fantasy Shopping Guide

Camo-bike will keep real cars at a safe distance, prevent them to trying to “share” the lane when you are taking the lane, and help blend in a bit. It’s designed to look like a sports convertible so you don’t need to worry about being slower than other car traffic. Everyone knows sports car owners never actually go above 30mph. (Because only old people drive them.)

Okay, this next gift is for cyclists who have pedestrians step out unexpectedly and directly into their path:

My Fantasy Shopping Guide

With Ped-Bells you will hear them coming as they weave between trucks and buses at intersections or as they stumble drunk out of a bar into the street at night. This will buy you precious time to brake or swerve. For a few more bucks Ped-Bells come with blinkie lights included. (Okay, so technically Ped-Bells would need to be given to those who are *not* on riding bikes. But since cyclists would really be the ones to benefit, it would ultimately be a big gift for us.)

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are working your way through busy traffic, trying to anticipate everyone’s move, hoping others see you… only to realize every driver is looking at their cell phones instead of the road? Well, then you need this:

My Fantasy Shopping Guide

It mounts on your handlebars and jams cell phone signals in a radius of 40 yards. Just hope that this doesn’t make drivers more distracted as they try to figure out what happened to their 4G and why they can’t get the latest of Ashton Kutcher’s Twitter feed.

Do you ever feel a little too benign on your bike? Do you want to make your bicycle little more intimidating and badass? Then you need these:

My Fantasy Shopping Guide

Besides making you more awesome, it will also increase your visibility and keep you warm on cold days. However it may also burn you a little.

This last gift is for the impatient cyclist who might have a bit of a DIY streak. If you’re tired of waiting on local governments to take action you can build your own bike infrastructure right now with this gift:

My Fantasy Shopping Guide

If I had a rear rack-mounted Bike Lane Maker those Mass Ave bike lanes would be installed this afternoon.

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45 comments

  • shebicycles December 21, 2011  

    I have forwarded the entire list to Santa. 🙂 Best wish list ever. (And now I want Greek pastries.)

  • AA December 21, 2011  

    Damn, someone beat me to telling you about the bumper bike guy. I used to live in his neighborhood. There are two facebook pages for him.

  • jonawebb December 21, 2011  

    Someone actually did an experiment a few years ago testing how much space drivers gave when passing dressed in different ways (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001457506001540). Dressing wearing a woman’s wig gave the most space, while riding more to the center of the lane or wearing a helmet reduced the space. So a clip-on pony tail as in your helmet should make you more safe.

  • Mark Simpson December 21, 2011  

    FIREWHEELS! I want them!

    p.s. wool socks – go to an Army Navy store such as Kenmore Army Navy (in Downtown Crossing on Washington Street) they will NOT have snowflake patterns on them.

  • Lee Toma (@LeeToma) December 21, 2011  

    Awesome! That Camo-bike reminds me of this neat project:

    • Gary from Dracut December 23, 2011  

      SO COOL !!! Thanks for sharing Lee ! I loved it so much I had to check out the other videos of it, especially liked the one on how they built the ‘worlds slowest Porsche’… LOL

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