Unwanted Advice
When I first started biking I didn’t know what I was doing. But I knew I was having fun. Yes, loads of fun, until…
Yes, the unsolicited advice from strangers started coming. Of course some of it was useful advice. But no matter what it was also condescending. I wished they would be quiet and let me enjoy my ride. If I wanted bike help I could turn to my bike shop or the internet. I decided then to never give advice on the road.
Now with years of experience I have tons of tips I want to share too. When I bike in spring my inner monologue goes something like this:
And when I see the newbie swerve I have to wonder:
But I just keep quiet and let everyone enjoy their ride and hope they keep riding… and maybe someday giving advice to others.
I’ve often wondered about giving advice and almost always decide against it. There’s a big difference between telling a fellow cyclist about a poential problem they can’t see and imposing wisdom on the unsuspecting. I always start with saying, “You may not realize, but … “.
I ask, though – when someone is riding in old or sheer shorts/leggings, should I say something? I would want to know those pants should be retired.
This is timely. Now is the time for the new bikers to come out, grab their bike from the basement or garage where it’s been sitting for twenty years, or maybe a yard sale, and start their helmet-less salmoning.
The most I say to folks, usually, is “Dude…” If they happen to be stopped at a light or something so I can converse it’s not hard to point something out kindly.
Ha! Yes. Hilarious.
I’m sure there’s a lot of advice out there I could benefit from, but when I’m in my “biking zone” I’m relaxing and thinking happy thoughts. I’m not in the mood for a stranger to tell me how I can be doing that better. Chill out, W.M.D., and bike on.
Honestly, one of the things I enjoy most about bicycling through the city is engaging with other cyclists and what’s around me in terms of sights and sounds. I like that it opens me up as opposed to being in my own zone. I like paying attention and acknowledging something new each day, even if with just a nod.
Agree Heather! Yes, tell them. I’d like it if someone told me in a ( gently humorous) kinda way, “hey,” as you said, “you may not realise this but…..” Which is the best way for so many things on and off the bike: your cycling shorts leave nothing to the imagination / your flies are undone / your skirt is caught up in your underwear / you’ve got spinach stuck in your front teeth/ your button has popped open, I can see your bra / your dog has just done a massive po0 on the lawn over there. ( I did say on and off bike…nite only one of these is on topic!!!!
I recently saw a woman whose scarf had come unwound in back, was swinging around her back tire, about to get caught, twisted up, and pull her choking off backwards. I guess I shouldn’t have spoken to her or given her advice about what was happening because I was wearing Lycra and am a dude? Because, what, I was both objectifying her and condescending to think she didn’t realize on her own that she was about to be strangled? OK I will remember that. Thanks for the advice. Of course unsolicited advice not only works at key moments, sometimes it’s actually a moral imperative.
Re the scarf – Advice re imminent possible accident wouldn’t be ‘unwanted advice’ (that is the title of the post…. there’s a difference between unwanted and unsolicited).
But the difference is entirely subjective. The WMD has no way of knowing in advance whether the advisee wants or does not want the advice. He can only guess. The criticisms of “condescending” advice merely mean that the WMD guessed wrong.